| Swept Off My Feet |
[Mar. 26th, 2006|06:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Sound Of Victory | ] |
ok. im gonna get off the journal. i havent updated in like a month and i dont think i need to anymore. i have people to talk to about my "problems". im not insulting anyone in cyberland but i just wanna say that i cant do this right now. i need to straighten my life out before it begins to become some huge cesspool of antisocialism. i've everything in order again and its time to move on. i need to grasp life again. this is the outlet of a journal for someone who doesnt even exist anymore. there is no jonas. i am nick. or seamus to those who really dont know me. i've woken up. its time to go. im ready for the real world. im gonna start dating and im gonna start hanging out with friends. yes its time for those kind of things. damn staright. its been real guys. sorry. |
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| I Hate Apple |
[Feb. 21st, 2006|10:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Iron and Wine-Each Coming Night | ] |
i would apologize for not updating, but no one would forgive me. last week i had some mad decision to say what i want to say and when i want to say it. it worked for about twenty minutes before my mom looked at me with burning hate. today i said how i feel to someone and i just went, no holds barred. and it worked, i got a lot of stress off and i may be a little hurt, but the hurt will fade since i earned one of my only lifetime friends. my ipod broke. need a fucking new one. a biggg one. yeah. im not gonna talk about movies anymore unless someone asks me. i figured its the only thing i talk about and people must think im pretty one dimesional. i usually dont care, but id like to think im at least three dimensional. im gonna stop procrastinating, sooner or later. i did my working class hero for my project, and it was a hit. now im part of the theatre filmmakers group now that they respect my style. i spent the whole weekend locked at my dads. ive been working a lot. met a new girl. will ask her out soon. its nice to be in the run of things again. i have a weak case of laryngitis. so it gives me great pleasure to announce my scientific experiemtn to see if i cant talk for one whole day. i'll jsut use the inflammation as an excuse. yes. starting to think about future and im getting nowhere. but its ok. um. thats about it. um. please comment. with something! thanks. nick |
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| Hey You |
[Feb. 12th, 2006|12:26 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Postal Service- Nothing Better | ] |
im in that kinda funk mood again. not the one where im funking around but the one where i just cant wrap around the fact that i dont have a fucking girlfriend. im just sick of being single. and not just single, like totally and completely in no prospect of anyone near me. thats what sickens me. im only interested in like two people and ones totally not interested and the other one i just cant. and now fucking valentines day is coming up and i'll be surrounded with depressive bullshit until i just cant handle it!! i realized only a couple friends stood by and accepted my 80's day. my real friends. all the fakes ridiculed and poked. they will learn. yeah i know my song is the song i had earlier. but nothing better is the song that themes my life right now. im not gonna be a lamo and write all the lyrics down and shit, so just download if you wanna know how nicks life is. saw the squid and the whale. best movie i've seen in a fucking long time. good music, good acting, fucking amazing script. and the hot girl who played rogue in xmen is in it. anna paquin. shes so hot. i was very happy to see a good movie. im so stressed about this one man show thing. its gonna suck. and then i got so much AP shit to do, i think im gonna be sick. yup. sick. well im watching ferris buellers day off so im gonna go finish it now. later, nick. |
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| A Junction |
[Feb. 5th, 2006|09:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins- Handle With Care | ] |
i really hate conflict. have you ever had conflicting feelings between your heart and your head? i got one now. it hurts. im sick. and bored. and really really tired. oh i dont know how i feel now. so many battles are going in my head its really hard to keep track. im not complaining. im just venting. well i better go to bed. i really didnt have anything interesting to say did i? nope. never do. i'll go now. bye, nick. p.s. i dont like football. |
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| Women? |
[Feb. 2nd, 2006|04:24 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | John Lennon- Oh Yoko | ] |
what a strange day. i just want to crawl in my bed and just hide where all the women cant see me anymore. morals always have to come first no matter what. jesus. i love this song. its about someone i hate, but i love it so much. it just reminds me how much i dont want to be single anymore, im sick of it. i need to settle down and just be happy. i am happy. i really am happy. i just need a girlfriend. its like this thirst for something like water, i dont want it all of the time, but deep inside i know i need it. i almost had the guts to ask someone. i was so close that i could almost taste a kiss, but i thought about the situation and i thought again. i wish i was in the position now. i would do things different now that i think about it. im not sending any more messages. im not bullshitting anymore. im not hiding my feelings so i can protect the future. not anymore. sry, the vagueness isnt really cool. i jsut re read and it looks like im sending someone out here a message. im not though. i assure you. its time to go to work. later, nick. |
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| So Hard |
[Jan. 27th, 2006|11:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pensive | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Postal Service- Nothing Better | ] |
its really hard to imagine a perfect life. no flaws. no hate. i thought about it today, and i came to the conclusion that it didnt exist. i feel so tired. not physically, but mentally. im exhausted. im gonna be one of those guys who suffers from anxiety attacks everyday before he turns 30. my friend ditched me tonight. went to go see a movie alone, again. kinda sucks. great movie though, called the matador. fucking hilarious. i just reread the past few sentences and i think im giving a stench of depression. im not depressed. im not in denial either. im just really fucking tired and bored and pensive and there are needs i want fulfilled. soon. not animalistic or anything, just needs. im not depressed, but im starting to actually think that i'm really just an asshole. plain and simple. to all my friends im a nice guy, but to girls that have a slight interest in me, i dont know what happens. i feel comfortable in saying this online because i dunno, im just being honest. i have confidence though. i see it everyday in a lot of couples. it will be me someday and i'll complain after a while just like everyone else, but still. better than this. ok got some batman and seinfeld to watch. good night. |
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| Endless Debate Between a Colossal Cerebrum and a Miniscule Idea |
[Jan. 9th, 2006|11:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | At The Drive-In - Napoleon Solo | ] |
felt good today. brought someone to tears with a monologue, and now im actually thinking about acting again. blah....i hate when life calls. does anybody like six feet under? i havent ever watched it and im afraid to rent it because im afraid it might stink. comment on it. and...i really like curb your enthusiasm, but i've only watched like two episodes. does anyone have a copy of the first season so i can perhaps borrow it? sweet. i heart my new icon. i just talked to an old friend from middle school and i had to explain to him how much i have changed since 8th grade. all i could say was a lot. im getting glasses, im nearsighted. im kinda excited...and i just cant fight it, you know you know you know you want to. wow..hmm...gonna go now. nick. |
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| Don't Stop Believin' |
[Jan. 4th, 2006|12:37 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | We Might As Well Be Strangers- Keane | ] |
today was absolutely....tiring. all of my drive has been taken away from school. i dont have any more life left in me. its jsut all school and work. i count the days before i leave for north. i feel really old. i really dont even know why i use this anymore. im thinking about getting rid of it. i guess i just like to think theres enough hope in the race that we can all just read about each others "feelings" and care. i think its more addictive than soothing. but not yet. just a few more entries. im so mentally and physically exhausted, so im going to go to bed. night, nick. |
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| I Need A More Creative Outlet |
[Jan. 3rd, 2006|01:06 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Cat Stevens- Sing Out | ] |
i figured out today i dont wanna be an actor for the rest of my life. think i might go into film history. sounds a lot more exciting and a lot more realistic. i saw like 8 people i knew this whole break. im starting to think im anti social or im a really bad friend. people use me. i dont like it. and you know, it more angrifying when they try to lie about it. and thats a lot of people right now. just watched robocop. except for the 60's and the 20's, i would wanna go back to the 80's. that would be awesome. my eyes are burning. ive been working a lot. probably should get some shut eye. good night. nick. |
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| It's A Wonderful Life |
[Dec. 26th, 2005|01:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sublime- What I Got | ] |
you know, i really havent participated in any social activities since my release from school. i probably should. today i really didnt want to be around the family so i ditched and went to go see a movie by yself. and, i left in the middle of munich, which im sure is a great movie, but i just wasnt in the mood. so i went out, to my car, and just got this sudden impulse to drive to captiva, and i did. most of my childhood was spent out there and i just went out there to...ponder...and write. it was the best feeling. thats what really made my christmas. i know i havent updated in a while, im just kinda busy with work and stuff. sorry i havent been commenting either but i only really write bland stuff anyways. ha. alright, well, im gonna go now and listen to some music. later, nick. |
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| Epiphany |
[Dec. 12th, 2005|04:13 pm] |
|
you know, its really weird....i just realized im kinda overdramatic. i worry about stuff that i really shoulndt worry about, and i concern myself in things that are way beyond my control. im gonna stop. just plain....stop. i dont know, this just hit me out of nowhere. i also havnet much sleep in the past few days, like really bad, and i havent eaten anything in a while, so i dont really know what im talking about. it's just not really in my nature to be like this. i wish i could explain, there's really no reason, i keep trying to figure out what it is, but i just keep coming up with nothing. im not gonna whine anymore, i think i can handle stuff like this now, and im pretty excited about a lot of things. just wanted to say that....for some reason. maybe even sooner or later, i'll stop blabbing all my crap in here and actually talk to my friends about it. that would be a good habit. then again, my friends eaither cant help, will make it worse, or wont understand. but im wrong about that. i thought about kissing today in class. i can remember....one kiss...the last kiss i had...was four months ago. before that it was like 8 months. before that....even longer. its not that i absolutely need a girlfriend, but i need to find someone i really like, and just go for it. i have my best friends, and im happy with that, my job's okay, my hobbies are up to speed, and my family life is decent. i just need some work on my love life. im not rushing though, im taking my time. haha, yeah thats right, same old nick complaining about his lack of "woman troubles", yeah well i guess thats just me. i dont complain all day long about it, and this is my time to just let it go, yknow? im not going all around screaming "woe is me", but im quietly reflecting about it. so...yeah. its me again. yknow how it is, ups and downs. im on an up now. still living in fantasy world, but at least its better than dying in the real world. mhm. time to go to work, thanks for reading. yours, nick. |
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| A Battle Has Been Won |
[Dec. 10th, 2005|04:36 pm] |
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ok. i apologize once again. i profusely apologize for my vague words and intentions. it shouldve remained private, but i felt the need to vent. the problem has been recognized, and i know someone out there knows what it is. i have made my decision on what it is i am to do. it will be...extremely hard. it only concerns one person and one person only and i will speak my part, hold my position, and then move on again to my otherwise cheerful life. there is only one obstacle i need to overcome, and i can't jump it. i won't. if that curveball comes, i will succumb. and the vagueness ends. i work all weekend and i need a haircut badly. i cant wait for break, where i can breathe again and not worry about things that really don't concern me. no one has to comment. i feel better now. thanks for reading. :) yours, jonas. |
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| Haunting |
[Dec. 9th, 2005|05:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Queen- Don't Stop Me Now | ] |
i really hate feeling weak, like i'm not in control of my own feelings. kinda like how i feel right this second and most of today. i mean.... its just so....unusual. all of my emotions are hyper-sensitive, and i don't know why. the smallest things make me angry or somber. it just...feels like shit. and now...i just wanna kill someone. my parents are on a rampage for no fucking reason, and its just fueling a fire that will burst sooner or later. yknow, im still fucking happy, but i just HATE when people rain in on my parade, especially when theyre my own fucking parents! but, who will read this and care, i mean, everyone's parents are like that. im not horny anymore, just extremely lonely, and very...strange. like old times, but different. its weird. im talking in riddles. i better go. i have some pondering to accomplish. yours, nick. |
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| Defend Us |
[Dec. 8th, 2005|01:06 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Coldplay- Politik | ] |
ok. last entry....very vague. im sorry. i dont really know how to express my feelings through words when its something that abstract, so i apologize. it's still there but now....strangely...and dont be grossed out....but i feel really horny. and i usually dont feel like that. i hate it. i even hate saying it, but thats what im feeling. like i cant go to sleep. its that bad. and i know what everyones thinking, shut up and go whack off, but its just a quick kind of fix. anyways, for everyone shaking their fingers, i'm really never like this. its just there, and it won't go away. i mean, its one o clock in the fucking morning and basically everyone else i know is asleep and im sitting here on the computer, just waiting for sleep to engulf me. i hope it does. wooo...better go now. seriously, dont be grossed out, im still a guy and a human at that. yours, nick. |
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| The Mouse |
[Dec. 7th, 2005|03:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  worried | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Beatles- The Sun King | ] |
i am never going to eat a fried oreo again. i feel like im gonna be sick. thespians was fun. lost shakespeare, but w.e. grades are slowly rising again, yay, and well, my social life is great. i can always find a flaw in everything though. do you ever feel like youre lying to someone when youre not doing anything? do you ever feel that really big fear creeping up your spine in the middle of the night, with nothing to protect you but a thin layer of blanket? i feel so weak. so...pathetic. now now, im not downing on anything and im moping around, im just talking. im happy right now, very happy, but stressed about things in an order that shouldnt be in my priorities. i dont know. im just rambling. my mind is deciding ethics and morals and balancing the two with rebellion and revolution. totally lost my train of thought. im gonna go watch something. yours, nick. |
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| Angels and Ministers of Grace |
[Dec. 6th, 2005|12:11 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  curious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Tilly and the Wall- I Always Knew | ] |
i really....hate....waiting. i hate stress. i have to magically lift my grade in calc up but i know martins an idiot so he will be all mumbly. do you ever feel like you're pushed beyond your limits? of course. its high school. i was thinking about submitting stuff for the literary mag but i know no one really likes prose, and thats my style of choice. i dont really like the holidays all that much. im much more of a halloween kid. new years is fun too. i already have my resolutions set up. im never too good at keeping them though. im sitting here in my chair swallowed by my blanket. i hate refusing something you want. like, its something you know would be great and would make everything better, but it will just bring you down later. but, is it better to refuse or to just go and accept the consequences? no idea. i really miss having a girlfriend. no no, im not whining, i havent in a while. i just miss it. given, it would add a lot more stress but it always kinda brightens everything more so than usual. im happy though. i think, finally, im in perfect sync with my friends. i've got who i need. and im starting to fall asleep. fried oreos at the thespian meeting on wednesday....yay! night, nick. |
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| I Feel Bohemian |
[Nov. 26th, 2005|01:41 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Rolling Stones-Gimme Shelter | ] |
my eyes are watery as hell. i always get like that around fans for some reason. stuck in the house, with nothing to do. its almost two in the morning and i cant go to sleep. i think im gonna watch donnie darko, and i hope i can stay awake. finally beat the longest ps game ever today. the legend of dragoon. four discs. sixty hours of play. i dont ever want to see it again. saw rent. i liked it. it was...better than i expected. it just seemed to last foreverrrrr. i kept asking, is this the end? all the songs were ok. and now i can understand the original soundtrack. loved the character mark. reminds me of...me. i ordered a bolex camera today. one of those 8 mm cameras and some film for christmas time. hopefully with enough inspiration i'll make something. i was pondering about what to do after high school today, for like three minutes. then i decided i would rather take the dreamers road than the realistic one, because im a dreamer kind of guy. then again, i want to be a moviemaker and well, i really havent made one yet so i cant really say anything. i should make one and see if im any good. god i hardly see the screen. getting tix for the stones concert in march. might be able to fly up and see them in january. recently i've been listening to them a lot and i have gained a lot of respect for them. start work again tomorrow. i need to quit. find a new job that doesnt totally suck. got sick yesterday. couldnt eat a lot of thanksgiving food. its all gone now. no dessert and my sweet tooth is blowing up with madness. heard something interesting this week, that made me look into my history and search my feelings. i know what is right and i know i cant do it. i need a cough drop. im gonna go get one and put some music on, so im gonna leave. yours, jonas. (and holy shit, that came out without even me thinking it.) i mean, nick. |
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| Wow |
[Nov. 21st, 2005|03:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  peaceful | ] |
look. just...disregard the last entry. i wrote it under false pretenses and weird moods. i apologize to those i offended. i dont know what came over me. im happy though. im not depressed or anything. lonely, yes, but who isnt? look, just, comment. happy comments. this is a happy entry, so happy comments will be needed. yours, nick. |
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| Life Goes On Bra |
[Nov. 20th, 2005|11:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  morose | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jimi Hendrix-Manic Depression | ] |
god it feels so great to be free of that musical. i dunno why but im still kinda, i dont know, upset about a lot. i just dont understand why i dont like the women i meet. i mean, do i have to wait until college to meet someone that i want? yeah, a college girl would be really nice. it would be even nicer if i could find someone in high school with, i dont know, the mental capacity higher than that of a large amphibian? i mean, seriously, why do i go on like this each and every day? i just keep whining and whining like a god damn bitch and i just dont have enough life in me to do something else. do i have to keep waiting? do i have to keep meandering around with a huge grin on my face when everyone around me knows what im thinking? do you think i like saying all this? abso-fucking-lutely i have stuff to be happy about. but there are always things to bring you down and i guess thats being ungrateful towards the others but what fucking ever. im not happy like this. i cant really be myself. so thats that. i'll try my best not to complain anymore. i will. some kid called me emo today. i called his mother a whore. im terrible. yours, nick. p.s. hp4....wooooooo, good stuff |
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| A Lass Is What I Lack |
[Nov. 17th, 2005|10:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | gloomy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Postal Service- Give Up (Over and over again) | ] |
i thought about it even more today. there were a lot more good points, but the thoughts kept popping in. i mean, it's just torturing me everyday. i cant help just secluding myself. when the musical is over, life will just begin to be the same, and it will be worst. just days running upon days, more schoolwork, more work work and i mean, god, having someone around would make it so much better. i just don't understand, i keep seeing all these couples and i wanna just grab them and rip them apart. that sounds kinda sadistic, but its just what i feel like doing. i mean, am i selfish for needing these feelings? today, i admit it was better. but now, im here again, sitting in the same old chair, talking to the same old person, me. this whole thing is just talking to myself, straightening everything out. look, i used to think i needed physical emotion....but now i just need love. i sound so childish sometimes i want to just take a jack-in-the-box in my hands and act my age. you know what though, there's a guiding light somewhere. i can see it in a few people, a very small amount of people that make me forget everything that is happening and just live in the moment. those people know who they are, and you know what, thats the love i want. thats the real definition of love. someone who can just say "hey, nick, you dont have to impress anybody, it's just me." and yeah i'll be myself, awkward and yet relaxed. once again, the days are getting smoother but i know i'll hit another bump soon. you know whats weird? when you sit in your driveway for 10 minutes contemplating whether you should just skip town. i've got money to live with for a week or two, why cant i just leave? what makes all teenagers afraid to stray away until they hit college? i almost thought about leaving, for a millisecond. just to drive to the nearest airport and fly far away. but, its terrible, because i would miss people. family. stupid little places where all the memories lie. i think i take a lot of things for granted. maybe i think things are terrible, when theyre really not. and theyre not. just, some things are and they overpower everything else. i like talking to people like this, but its still not very personal. looking forward to the musical again, which went kinda well tonight and looking forward to hp4. why? cuz im a bigg geek. always and forever yours, nick. |
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